I recently read a book called ‘Cassandra Speaks’ by Elizabeth Lesser. My friend Jackie texted me and said ‘I’ve just read this book you will love it, a must read’. (thanks Jack by the way). It is a story about women. It is a story about understanding the stories of women and how they create meaning in our lives. How we act them out every day.
Words are powerful and so are lack of words. When we don’t talk about issues it creates a vacuum and a void, so people make up stories in the absence of that. I learned this pretty quickly about 25 years ago when I started doing change management work in the corporate sector. Human’s learn and communicate through stories, we have been doing it for thousands of years. Stories are powerful. You can drive change just on a narrative when you take a narrow view of an issue. Brexit anyone?
We talk about what we value in society. Think about that, especially those of you who are getting older. How do you feel about ageing and death? In a cultural context, where youth is prized. Where we don’t really want to deal with old people. Atul Gawande wrote about this a few years back in his book, Being Mortal. (another great read). You try and look for a stock photo picture of a women in her forties. I am telling you it is near impossible.
Think about the ancient stories that centre around women. There are not so many. When we are involved we are usually the supporting character or the evil person. If it is an older person in the story, she’s a woman usually evil or a witch. The evil ugly step mother, Cruella da Ville ring any bells.
Which brings me back to my main point. If we want to thrive and lead a more empowered life as a human race we really have to be able to listen, watch and read about other perspectives. I have a great coach friend Julia who is very opinionated. This is one of the things I really love about her. She is also fierce. I rarely agree with her on many issues. On the big stuff I often do though. I like her values too. I am always curious to hear what she has to say about any issue. She opens my eyes, ears and heart to other ways of looking at an issue. We can have different perspectives and still be friends.
How we frame up a dilemma in our life determines what we see and what we don’t see, which impacts on the decision we make. Being able to take up many perspectives and enquire into them broadens the capacity of what you can see. These are basic foundations of systems thinking.
“To make deeper connections with each other, we need to be willing to be disturbed”
Meg Wheatley
The world is in a really tough place at the moment and people are in a lot of pain. How can we take more empathy for the position of another? See where they are at and ask questions. It is easy to stay in your narrow lane when you are under stress. Do a little audit of the music you listen to, the style of books you read, the media you pay attention to. It is very easy to get stuck in your bubble and do the othering thing. Othering is when we attribute negative characteristics to people or groups that differentiate them from the social norm. It is a way of negating an individuals humanity and they are seen as less worthy of dignity and respect.
Women have been ‘othered’ for years. Othering is intersectional. This means there are other marginalised groups who may also intersect with this. For example a woman of colour or a woman who is disabled, a woman of colour who is elderly. Marginalised on a few accounts. Get the picture?
So here is my tip for you. If you want a better world, if you want to be more empowered, if you want to see more compassion and kindness; it starts with you. Challenge your own thinking, seek out alternative points of view on an issue, do not just cling to your co-conspirators all the time. Listen to some new music. Try some new practices. Challenge your own internalised belief systems. I was a big Hatha Yoga devotee for years and then three years ago I discovered Kundalini Yoga by virtue of the fact I shared a room on a retreat in Mexico with a wonderful lady who is a Kundalini Yoga teacher. Gave me a new tool for mindfulness and a great friend!
You will build some new neural pathways, you will meet some new people in your life. It may help you navigate the harder stuff in life with greater ease. You may very well discover a whole treasure trove of cool parts of yourself that you never knew existed. Challenge the stories you have been told.
If you want to experience life differently, look through different lenses. You never know what you may find.