Relationship Coaching

Are you experiencing growing pains in your intimate relationship? Or maybe you have this feeling deep inside that your relationship could be so much MORE, but you are not sure what that more is? Maybe you feel that you and your partner have become ships in the night and you notice a large disconnection happening? Or maybe you are embracing dating coming off a divorce and want to ensure you don’t repeat mistakes from the past?

When we feel disconnected from each other we often feel a sense of loneliness and disconnection with the world around us.

I believe relationships can be the greatest containers for personal growth and that healthy relationships are the cornerstone of a happy life. What I find most interesting when you talk to the older people in society is, it is not their achievements at work they reminisce about, it is the people who have touched them and made them feel heard. Our relationship imprinting comes from our primary caregivers and many of us experience our first relationship challenges in the first 18 months of our lives, which childhood development experts call the attachment stage of our lives. Having a close bond with a caregiver at this stage is essential for us to feel a sense of safety and connection in the world.

In his book “Getting the love you want”, Harville Hendrix says ‘Regrettably many of us had unattuned parents, and we bring the resulting unmet needs into our adult relationships’.

Intimate relationships are hard, they are challenging because we can trigger each other a lot. It is almost impossible not to be triggered by those closest to us. The psychotherapist Dianne Poole Heller has said we attract our unfinished business. I believe this to be true, we often are attracted to those who call us to address our deepest childhood wounding.

Partnerships are very challenging. We confront everything about ourselves in relationships. All of our unresolved childhood trauma and wounding will come up and our relationship skills will be tested. We are forced to face everything that is unloved and unprocessed in our psyche, our nervous system and our physical body.

When you invest in your personal growth and healing in the container of a relationship, you will find it is a path to emotional maturity and for some people, spiritual growth. The benefits are:

• You will learn all about yourself, and you realise you never stop learning about yourself, your partner and the others, this positively impacts all the relationships in your life;

• You will learn to embrace challenge, conflict and adversity and learn how to repair after a rupture;

• You intimacy will improve as you learn to talk more openly and truthfully with your partner about your feelings and what you desire;

• You learn to be a team, a partnership and to collaborate together and learn to be open and honest with each other which leads to a deep and strong connection with each other.

The foundation for healthy relationships is intimacy and this starts with our ability to communicate our own inner experience to those closest to us. To be clear about our desires and aware of our own boundaries; to know what a YES and NO feels like in our body. To be able to say what you need, when you want it, when you need it and how you need it or if you didn’t want it. When we get clear on this, on our desires in life, we can communicate it clearly with our partner, we develop the confidence to do all of this in with our partner in our sexual relationship with them also.

I work somatically which means I use a bodymind approach and work with you to be to connect with your nervous system which drives all of your behaviour. I work collaboratively with you, so that you can find safety in your body, from this place growth starts. When we can be present with the sensations, feelings and emotions in our body, we build more capacity in our nervous system. This reduces our reactive behaviour, helps us to listen to our body and the messages it is sending us and gives us the confidence to own what we are feeling, and be able to communicate that to our intimate partners in a healthy way.

“Taking the step to working with Kellie was a game changer for me. I had just come out of a situation in my relationship, which had left me questioning myself and this negatively impacted my self-confidence.

I realised that there was unhealed trauma from my past which was holding me back, I knew I needed to “break” the pattern, but didn’t know how to go about it. 

Working with Kellie was eye opening, challenging and pivotal in spear heading the change I needed in my life. I always felt safe and supported in all my sessions. Kellie’s experience and ability read the situation allowed me to connect with her. 

The somatic and breathing exercises from our sessions, have now become second nature to me. I catch myself at moments through the days realising, that without knowing it, I had just worked through a difficult situation using the skills I’d learnt. I’m more settled and content in my personal life and my work interactions have improved immensely”. 

“I loved Kellie's neutrality, she asked really intimate questions in a matter of fact way that meant I could share things I would not talk about with any other person (including my partner)”.

Somatic Coaching also helps us to connect with our inner child’s unmet needs and learn how to listen to when that comes up in our body (often we call it a trigger) and to learn how to soothe ourselves in the moment so that we are not projecting it onto our partners. All of this is wound into our neurobiology, so no amount of work we do in our logical part of our brain, whether it be talk therapy or mindset work, will eliminate this reactivity because it sits in the lower part of our brain that drives our autonomic nervous system. Our autonomic nervous system is our body’s defence system and it works 3-4 times faster than our logical brain; it has to, to keep us safe and alive. So in somatic coaching we work at the level of the nervous system to first create safety, and then to be able to work with the triggers, resolve them and then re-pattern the behaviour.

When you work with me in a Relationship Coaching container, you will learn many tools to down regulate your nervous system when you are activated, and how to bring yourself to a place of connection and curiosity with those around you. When you can come to this place in your body, to be with your inner experience, you can handle other people’s emotions, reactions and words with grace and confidence, and you can listen better and show compassion for their experience of the world. This keeps you connected with everyone in your life, helps you to appreciate the diverse needs of others and allows you to feel more empowered in your own body.

Most importantly it helps you get the love, sex and relationship that you want.

If you would like to to do this work, the first step is to book a complimentary clarity call with me, so we can talk about your needs and what you want to work on. Then we can see if we are a good match to work together.

“If there was any one single person you could rely on to feel safe and open, to communicate effectively with and for, then Kellie is that person. I have thoroughly loved exploring tantra. I have felt more engaged and open to how I feel, what I want and how that can translate to my partner. Kellie keeps the vibe going and does so with a gentleness and ease that clearly translates not only a love for what she does but her belief in herself. She is exceptional to work with”!

Logistics

I offer a 6 month coaching program. We work together online via zoom and I work with people from all over the world. You will also receive my Reconnect course for free (AU$300 worth of value) and your own learning portal with content, self reflection exercises and bespoke practices for you to do each session. You can choose do either two or three sessions a month and we have to be practical around the realities of life and interruptions like illness, parenting demands and holidays. If you have any more questions please look at my Coaching FAQs or you can ask me directly in the clarity call.