I felt compelled to write this blog post because I’ve noticed a few people around me lately who are experiencing early signs of midlife transition and not really realising this is what is going on for them. Midlife is an extraordinary portal and rite of passage that both men and women experience that can start anytime from around 40 years of age through to mid 50s.
It is a time in life when we start to ask many questions, a time of refinement and reflection when our psyche gives us a nudge to look back and look forward at the same time. To ask ourselves, what aspects of ourselves do we need to let go of. What aspects of ourselves that have kept us functioning in the world up until now, no longer serve us going forward. Brene Brown calls it the great unraveling.
It’s your psyche giving you a chance to heal childhood wounding, heal pain around old losses and layers of pain around early relationships. We are also faced with our own mortality as we see our parents ageing or dying, friends becoming ill or dying.
It is a liminal time that may feel groundless to many people. One of the points of midlife is to learn to tolerate discomfort of the unknown until the path forward becomes clearer and known.
Many women have menopause to cope with as well that also brings up lots of questions and discomfort with changes in our body. But here is the thing about that. It is only your fertility ending. In our western culture where the narrative around menopause is death, we seem to assume the woman has died also. Many women comment that they suddenly feel invisible. In all actuality, it is a massively transformative time for women because many of them feel they are just getting started when it comes to their bigger purpose in life. Just because your fertility is ending doesn’t mean you stop being a sexual being. For many women they feel closer to their sexuality than they ever had before and their feminine life force energy is awakened.
When you don’t understand the discomfort of life transitions and rites of passage, it can be easy to jump onto the first external source of relief that might make you feel better. Obsessive exercise and worrying about your figure. Don’t get me wrong exercise is great but actually, this is time time in your life when you need to be really intentional in your exercise because you musculoskeletal system is undergoing a shift. A new car, a new partner, cosmetic work on your face, spending lots of money on clothes and jewellery. All classic relief escape hatches. You know what? All the answers are inside of you.
When you can sit with the unknown and grieve habits and patterns that don’t serve you any longer, you start to birth a new version of yourself. Embedded in the darkness are the seeds of the new adornments or parts of yourself, you need to create to go back out into the world and bloom. New habits, interests, ways of being. Many women in particular find themselves reconnecting with visions and purpose from their youth that were put to the side.
Our second half of life is about meaning and purpose. When you can learn to resource the grief of the old with self-compassion and approach the unnavigated path forward with great curiosity, you will discover your true reason for being here. The path is different for men and women. The heroines journey is different to the hero’s. But ultimately this rite of passage is about the same discovery.
If this post resonated with you pass it onto a friend who might benefit from it. I coach women and couples to navigate this journey. If you are interested in talking to me about coaching head over to my website and book yourself in for a complimentary call to see if coaching will help you navigate midlife.