It is world menopause awareness day tomorrow October 18th, 2025. You might be thinking why do we need a day for this? Well in fact, October is Menopause awareness month and we do this because this transition has been over coupled with shame for many, many years. Because of this, many women have entered this very complex transition, starting from a base of shame thinking something is wrong with them, having very low knowledge levels about the complexity of it, and not knowing where they can go to for help.
Thankfully things have changed a lot culturally in the last 10 years and many Generation X ladies are talking about their experiences and writing books, there is a lot more therapeutic support from a broad range of practitioners who have done deeper training in understanding this very complex transition.
If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance the person you love doesn’t seem like herself lately.
Maybe she’s more tired, more irritable. Maybe her sex drive has changed, or her moods feel unpredictable. You might feel like you’re walking on eggshells, wondering, What happened to us?
If that’s you, you’re not alone. The truth: menopause doesn’t just happen to her. It happens to both of you because you are in a relationship together. This isn’t the end of your intimacy or connection but it is a transition. And like all transitions, it can cause fractures in a relationship or deepen it, depending on how it’s met.
Let’s talk about the terminology, you might be confused. Menopause is one actual day; the day that it has been 12 months since you had a period. After this you are post menopausal. Natural menopause doesn’t just happen overnight, the body starts to makes changes years beforehand and this period is known as perimenopause. So when you start to notice changes in your partner she is probably perimenopausal. Some people go through menopause suddenly if they have chemotherapy, or surgery where the ovaries are removed. This can be tough for those people because the changes are sudden.
The transition impacts us biologically, psychologically, spiritually.
Perimenopause is a biological recalibration. It is a neuro-endocrine shift. This means both the brain and the hormonal system are impacted and because the body is systems within systems within systems, the nervous system is impacted and this drives our behaviours. Sex hormones, estrogen, progesterone and testosterone are readjusting how the brain manages energy, stress and emotion. The body systems are being upgraded for the next phase of life. It is a time of renewal not a decline. All our hormones work in concert with each other, so these shifts will also influence other hormones, including cortisol a stress hormone, Leptin and Ghrelin that regulate satiety and hunger, the thyroid hormones and insulin.
Estrogen doesn’t just influence reproduction it is supportive of many functions in the female body. For example, it helps regulate mood, memory and focus. As hormone levels shift, the brain begins to prioritise what is important in the body. So you will notice she is less tolerant of bad behaviour and prefers authenticity. Estrogen is a hormone of soothing and accommodation, as the ‘rose coloured glasses’ of estrogen start to come off, you may notice she will speak up more, set her boundaries a lot and prioritise what is important to her. She is not becoming difficult, she is becoming clearer about what is important to her and you may notice, she will call you on your ‘bullshit’ more.
For many women, menopause is a time of reckoning, a moment when the body says, enough. Enough running on adrenaline, enough over-functioning, enough meeting everyone else’s needs before her own. The nervous system, which may have been in a low-level state of overdrive for years, starts to demand rest and repair. That might look like less tolerance for stress, or a sudden need for solitude, or irritability that seems out of nowhere. It’s not that she doesn’t care about you anymore. It’s that her body is asking her to turn inward for a while. To tend to herself. To listen to the parts of her she’s had to override for decades.
As estrogen and progesterone drop, cortisol the stress hormone becomes harder to regulate and many women need to do some inner work to really learn how to feel the emotions they may have been repressing for a long time. An example, is learning to feel healthy aggression because many women have learned to repress their anger to stay safe and fit it.
All this is a sign of emotional maturity, not weakness.
Menopause is part of our broader midlife transition. Midlife for all of us is about discovering who we really are. Empty nests, career shifts, coming to terms with ageing, all of these factors are an impetus for us to reflect on what truly matters to us. (Regardless of Gender). I bet you have been feeling some of this too? This inner focus can look like distance but it is actually deep reflection and introspection. What is key is learning to share and talk about it, in the container of your relationship so you can stay connected to each other, respect each others growth journey and learn from each other.
You might feel helpless, rejected, or even a little scared. You might find yourself missing the easy connection you used to have, the laughter, the touch, the spark. That is all completely normal. But what’s important is how you meet those feelings. If you take her distance or exhaustion personally, both of you will end up feeling more alone.
What might she need from you and how can you support her evolution to the next phase of her life?
Menopause can make it hard for women to articulate what they need. There’s so much noise out there; fix-it advice, HRT debates, cultural pressure to stay youthful. Because of this many women end up feeling like they’re failing at something.
What she likely needs most is:
Rest. Her body is doing huge internal work. It really is like a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. That takes time and she needs rest and support. Learn about hormones together so she is not carrying all the mental load of this complex and multi- faceted change on her own.
Emotional safety. To not be judged, fixed, or told to “cheer up.” Ask her what she needs instead of assuming. See her boundaries as a bridge rather than a wall.
Space to feel. Her emotions might be big right now, let them move through without taking them personally.
Your steady presence. Not your solutions. Just you.
You don’t have to understand it all. But if you can stay present, calm, kind and curious, you can become a regulating force in the relationship. When you regulate yourself first, you help her nervous system settle, which in turn helps both of you reconnect. Your calm presence is medicine. When she feels safe in her body she can come back to a place of regulation. If she is struggling, encourage her to find external support to help her through this transition.
Sex might change. Her libido will probably change but it is not gone. It will probably take her longer to become aroused, but that arousal is coming from a very deep place inside of her. So it needs a bit of time. When you take the time to explore new ways of being close, you will find that tenderness, sensuality, and emotional connection can grow deeper than ever. Many people experience the best sex of their life when they are post menopausal because it is emotional safety and vulnerability that makes women feel safe, receptive and connected to their partner.
It’s easy to think menopause is the closing of a door. But in truth, it’s an opening, just not the one most people expect. When a woman moves through menopause, she’s shedding layers of who she had to be to survive. What often emerges on the other side is a woman who is more direct, more grounded, and often more authentic than ever.
If you can walk beside her through this with patience, empathy, and curiosity, what you’ll find on the other side is not just her renewed self, but a relationship that’s more honest and alive. It is a great chance to grow your relationship consciously based on honesty, mutual respect and shared understanding rather than old roles, outdated habits or patterns of behaviour that don’t serve either of you anymore and routines that don’t work for either of you.
Menopause isn’t something to fear. It’s something to meet. When you meet it together, it can become one of the most profound seasons of your relationship, a chance to rediscover each other, not as who you once were, but as who you’re becoming.
It is an invitation to evolve together.