I was going for a walk last week with my husband. In front of us was a man with his young son who would have been about four years old. As they held hands and walked along the little boy danced, kicked his legs out wiggled his arms. He was full of energy, he literally could not stop moving. It reminded me of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly, albeit a more clumsy version, in those 1950s movies where they would sing and dance down the street. I said to my husband, remember when our boys were like that at the same age. He said yes and then it gets bashed out of them, they are told that they have to walk ‘normally’ and sit and be quiet. They literally have so much energy they are jumping out of their skin. Then they get to school and they have to sit still and be quiet.
Why do we do this to children? Why do we take them out of their bodies, insist they ignore their natural impulses to move and run. Disconnect from pleasure. Ignore their natural impulses to explore the natural environment and the wonder and awe you can find in nature if you really pay attention.
As adults we can get so caught up in own suffering, we can spend an eternity searching outside of ourselves when our suffering seems unbearable and obstacles seem insurmountable. We bypass and self soothe with shopping, alcohol and any myriad of other available avenues to bypass dealing with our own emotions and to be present and vulnerable.
I tell you something simple yet quite profound I learned from one of my coaching teachers Layla Martin. You have everything you need right inside of you.
So how to you find your own inner light within?
You pursue your pleasure. I am not necessarily talking about sexual pleasure even though that is definitely one avenue of pleasure to pursue. I am talking about what is pleasurable to you that nourishes and sustains you. Walking in nature, dancing, mindfulness practices that involve movement and breath; these are great practices to connect you with sources of nourishment. How do you connect and listen to your body? How do you learn to be with your emotions and pay attention to what your feelings are trying to tell you.
None of us have been taught to do this. It is almost as if we have been implicitly told that pleasure is a no go zone.
Where do you start?
A good place to start is working out what is it that you really want. A simple desires practice, spend 5 minutes writing down your desires, start every sentence with ‘I want….’. If you don’t know what you want, it is hard to connect with what brings you pleasure.
One of my favourite pleasure practices is just to sit out in nature. Maybe you could try to sit out in nature and lye down on the grass and just breath and imagine all the energy from the earth. moving up from the earth, up your legs into your core. Notice your breath moving in and out of your nose. See what that feels like. Dancing is another practice that we seem to stop doing in early adulthood. Why? Our bodies are made to move. Try dancing for 10 minutes a day. Swimming is one of my favourites particularly in the sea, just floating in the water.
We have so many resources available to us within and at our fingertips. Next time you zone out on your phone and start online shopping, stop yourself and go for a walk outside instead. Breathe in the fresh air.